Chapter 75
1418words
The call to Paris went through quickly, and I heard his voice before I could actually reconsider my choices,
"Ember? Ember, oh thank God. I've been trying to reach you for ages." I sighed and closed my eyes before saying anything, and I suppose I had taken too long to respond because he soon sounded frantic,
"Ember? Are you there? Could you please say something?"
"Paris." I finally said and sighed,
"Thank God. I was beginning to fear you calling me by mistake."
"no, no. It's not a mistake." I said and ran my hand through my hair.
"I was surprised to come into the meeting today and not find you there. Bella told me you've been unwell, and I guess you haven't exactly been reachable for me to confirm what might actually be the matter."
"I thought Jean already told you." It was pure cowardice, using Jean's name this way, and not exactly saying the words, but there was very little I could do about it. I had already hit rock bottom. There isn't much room for shame in this place.
"Well, he said some considerable interesting things, not going to lie. But these are things I'd rather hear from you instead. But first, I'd like to know how you really are."
How am I? How was I really?
"Well, I believe I feel the very best I've felt in days, to be honest. "
"That's relieving. Jean said it wasn't his place to tell me where you are. But I'd really like to know, Em. You might be better, but you haven't been okay, I want to be there for you. I can't do that properly if you're so out of reach."
I closed my eyes against the plea I heard in his voice. There was no way I was going to let Paris come here. Paris finding out about the whole of my identity was stretching things too far, and I simply wasn't ready for that. Not yet , at least.
"do you remember the field we had our first picnic?"
"I do. Of course," he said in a heartbeat and I smiled at the memory of that day,
"Well, we can meet there, I'll tell you as much as I can when we get there."
"fine then. See you soon."
I told Ashley and Axel I was going for a walk and had to decline Ashley's offer to come with me, if either of them thought I was acting suspicious, they didn't say and I was grateful for it.
Paris was already at our spot before I even thought of calling him to know his exact location, and my heart swelled.
"Slow down," I said to myself. We weren't exactly together,
"you're early," I said to him,
"seeing as we haven't had too many dates lately, I thought it best to make a good impression," he said with a smile, and I nodded,
"Impression made, I suppose." he drew closer and ran a finger down my cheek,
"You always managed to get dark circles around your eyes when you cried so much," he said softly, and I blinked back a surge of fresh tears his closeness and kindness evoked,
"What did Jean say to you?" I said, taking a step back so that his hand fell away. I didn't mean to be rude, I just wasn't sure I could deal with tenderness without actually falling apart.
"that you rejected him." he said simply, "will you tell me why? I mean, you both seemed to be trying to grow your bond and it was quite fascinating to watch. What changed?"
"nothing. Jean was, and remains a wonderful person. He wasn't actually the problem. Safe to say, I was."
"you're far from being a problem, Em."
"I am if I'm unable to love him the way a man like Jean deserves to be loved."
"I've always heard that love Is a choice."
" I supposed I already made mine. Five years ago, if I'm being honest."
"five years ago?" he asked with a warm smile, and I nodded,
"So how was I supposed to love Jean when I love you?"
"you love me?" he asked, as though it was hard for him to believe what his ears had heard and I nodded once again,
"Jean had said you rejected him because of me, but I simply chose to live in denial. It was easier to believe that Jean was angry and needed to vent and I was open to that. But to hear you say it…"
I said nothing but waited for him to complete his thoughts. He had his emotions in his eyes, and I realized it had been far too long since I had seen him this way.
"You must have gone through so much pain these past couple of days. A breakup is one hurtful and terrible thing. But to reject your mate is another level of pain I don't think gets spoken about enough. It must not have been easy."
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I had not given it a good coming until Jean came over and Ashley helped me. That was one sign of how badly I had fallen,
"I know it was my choice, and I had a very good reason for making my choice. But yes, it hasn't exactly been the easiest thing ever. My wolf has been a whole lot more quiet. It's quite draining. "
"I don't believe it's been anything but draining. I'm humbled."
"humbled?" I asked with a weak smile,
"It's not every day a man realizes that the woman he loves rejected her mate for him. Nothing is more humbling. I'm touched and grateful, to be honest."
He stepped forward, and took my hand in his, "I know you did this because you love me, I don’t doubt that for even a second, but even then, it's not hard for me to see how saddened you are by all of this. As you should be, to be honest. But are you sure about this, Ember?"
"Sure about what?"
"Sure you won't regret rejecting him for me?"
"why? Are you beginning to doubt that you may be worth it?"
He scoffed, "I'm not really worth it. I know I'm not. I just figure you might begin to feel that way too."
I smiled and reached out to take his other hand, "I weighed in a lot of factors. So no, I don't think I'm going to feel that way anytime soon. Unless you have some plans for me to feel that way." I asked with a playful smile, but he shook his seriously,
"not in this lifetime, Em. Not ever again. This is by far the most beautiful thing that has ever been done for me, or because of me. Being an Alpha, people might do things because I ask for it, or because they want to get on my good side. But I can hardly ever recall anyone doing anything for me simply out of selfish love. Thank you."
"you're going to make me emotional." I teased, but his expression remained serious,
"You've already made me emotional. Infect, I've been nothing but a bag of emotions these past couple of days, so yeah."
"I don't really know where all of this will go. I mean, like I said to Jean, I still love you and didn't think myself capable of being a good mate to him while I still felt all that I felt for Jean. But nevertheless, I still don’t want to rush into anything."
"you won't have to." he said sincerely, "I'm not going to rush anything on you. You can take it at whatever pace you want."
"whatever pace I want." I repeated, and added, "Then you should know that I've given some thought to our divorce papers."
He nodded in consideration, "What did you come to?"
"Well, I'll honor our deal by waiting till the end of our project before I make any final discussions, but for all it's worth, I think I'm going to keep any further plans on hold."
"Then, I'm going to do all in my power to make that hold permanent," he said, drawing me closer,
"you're welcome to try," I said, my lips stretching into a smile, and he traced the outline of my lips,
"I promise you I won’t make you regret your choices,"
"I think I'm going to hold you to that promise," I said softly.
