Chapter 74
1592words
"How did you figure that?" I asked quietly, and he shrugged,
"He was asking me to help find you. Why else would he do that except the fact that he doesn't know how else to? "
"Oh," I said, and wanted to ask him if he had told him, but was too scared to ask,
"It's okay. You don't have to look like you've seen a ghost. I didn't tell him where to find you, I took it that it was simply not my place."
"Oh." I said softly, and might have sighed, "Thank you."
"and so?"
"so, why haven't I told him who I truly am?"
"oui. If I'm not incorrect, but I doubt there are many people who actually don't. What are you hiding? Or better still, why are you hiding?"
I sighed and pressed my lips together, "Truth be told, it was a secret I didn't realize I would carry on with for as long as I have. When I met Paris, I had kept my identity in an attempt to simply seem normal. I don't know, I guess I had hoped that hiding my true identity would make our relationship go smoothly. If he didn’t think I had my ties, then perhaps he would love me for me, and not what he might have believed to get from me."
"I suppose I understand that."
"as it stands, I believe you really are the only one who actually knows who I truly am. I don’t know how you did it, and I don’t know if I should be worried about that."
He smiled, "you shouldn’t. I followed you home the night we first met and went out of my way to find out about you, but I started to ask my questions when I didn’t see your ties and connections. I figured after that first time I invited you on a date that you had your reasons for keeping it quiet. But I had no business pretending I didn't know about it."
"I heard all that you said. But what stands out for me is the fact that you actually followed me home?"
He smiled a little boy's smile at that, and I merely shook my head, "What a stalker." I said and he chuckled,
"Well, at the very least, I didn't do any of it to steal your property."
"at the very least. " I said and thought for a moment, "You said he told you that I was unwell."
Jean nodded, "yes, he did."
"Well now. He's actually been calling. I just could not bring myself to pick up the calls."
"Well, whenever you can," he said and I nodded, but I didn’t really have any more to say about it.
"Thank you for telling me, I guess," I said after some time,
"sure. In any case, I think I've said all that I'm allowed to say in regards to your relationship with him, I'll do my best not to meddle regardless of the fact that you're choosing him over me." I looked up at him in shock but found him smiling down at me,
"Don't worry, sugar. I've got a lot of such jokes inside of me." and playfully slapped his arm,
"I'm glad you have jokes. Keep it up." I said and he only laughed some more.
He stayed for lunch with some of my prodding, and it ended up being a very healthy situation,
"Since I don’t have to hide anything from you, please come over as often as you can," I said to him as I saw him off,
"sure thing. And since we aren’t living as enemies, please try to come to me in case you ever need anything."
"I'll do my best." he opened up his arms and wrapped me around him, and at the back of my mind, my wolf purred. I wondered, if perhaps, I was allowed to enjoy being close to Jean, even with the fact I had rejected him. Was that even normal or fair?
I wasn't sure, and I thought it wise not to find it. He waved me goodbye when he let go, and when I closed the door behind me, I found Axel watching, in the corridor,
"If you weren't my brother and I wasn't so used to you, I might actually consider you not being right in the head. Why are you standing there?"
"I wanted to see if your eyes still had the shadows they've had for days. Turns out the alpha was the ultimate cure. How does that even work?"
O rolled my eyes and walked past him into the living room and he followed,
"Axel, I don’t know how this whole thing works." I said when he sat down across from me, "But I think It was exactly what my wolf needed at the moment because my heart definitely feels a whole lot lighter for seeing him."
Axel nodded slowly, "I overheard him saying Paris was looking for you."
I frowned, "ever heard about minding your own business?"
One side of his lips lifted, "it drifted, and if I had not been tending to my business, I would not be asking for the rest of the discussion."
I heaved out a sigh and shook my head at him, "You’re insufferable, brother."
"I told you, it's my job to make sure that you're always okay."
"I said nothing, but leaned my head against the chair, "he's actually been calling, I just haven't been able to tend to calls, except the ones from work where I needed to tell them why I wasn't coming in. Jean told him why I rejected him as my mate and he wanted Jean to bring him here."
"Jean declined?"
"Jean declined. But I know I have to speak to him sooner or later. Paris, that is."
"Even with all you've been through, you're still happier without him in your life."
"Axel, please. Not right now."
"Really though. Yes, I admit, you've been depressed these past couple of days, and what did Jean do? He came over, to make sure that you're okay. Let's keep in mind that you rejected this man because you wanted freedom to love the man who hurt you again and again."
"axel. Let me live with the consequences of my choices as I please."
"Then what kind of a brother would that make me ?"
"the kind that allows me to be a human being."
"I can allow you to be a human being, and still watch over you, little sister."
I sighed because I was too weak to argue with him, "Be it as it may. I'm still going to need to speak to Paris."
"swear this is the oddest thing I've ever seen. The man you love hurts you, but you still keep running toward him. Meanwhile, the men who love you and would do just about anything for you, are the men that you choose to keep on hold. Not, not hold. Those are the men that you're simply not choosing."
"I didn’t ask to be in love with Paris, Axel. Even if I wasn't in love with him, there was no possible way that I would be able to be with the man I don't love."
"Even your own mate? One who makes you visibly happier after days of feeling so gloomy and down."
To that, I really had nothing to say. I really did feel much better. But I was going to have to stand on my decision.
"I am happier. Jean's visit is by far the best thing that could have happened these past couple of days and I'm thankful for it. But whether or not you 'approve' of my decision, I'm going to have to speak to Paris, sooner or later. But I suppose it's going to have to be sooner."
"my dearest sister, I'm afraid you're the insufferable one." but he was smiling,
"or perhaps I'm just the one who loves too hard, even the one I'm loving isn't good enough for me."
"So you admit he is good enough for you?"
"I admit that he is flawed and he has hurt me, yes."
"case closed," Axel said, and I shook my head,
"I'm glad we're done here," I said and stood,
"where are you going?"
"to tend to my life," I called out and left for my room.
In my room, I finally picked up my phone that had been ringing with calls and messages, and so a few calls from Jean. The rest were from Paris, along with messages from Paris asking where I was and begging him to talk to him,
"what if he hurts us again?" my wolf asked, and sighed as I sat in my bed,
"I don't know, to be honest. I only have his word that he won't hurt us anymore."
"I miss our mate."
I was going to tell her Jean was no longer our mate, but she was finally trying to talk to me and I didn't want to sadden her anymore,
"Me too. " I finally said, "In any case, he's still in our life. He's going to be our friend. So we'll be seeing each other from time to time." I said, trying to be cheerful.
"I guess." my wolf said, and went quiet once again.
I sighed again and read through Paris's endless messages before finally that sooner or later was going to have to happen a lot sooner. I decided that It was about time I spoke to Paris.
