Chapter 237 Reminiscing The Past
1934words
I am persistent to leave this topic and listen to Andrew. The surge of emotions or I would say a volcano of emotions is erupting inside my heart, no matter what, I just couldn't let it go.
I need to visit my old house, my parent's house.
Even after spending my time with Cyrus and Aaron, I am not able to distract myself from the thoughts of Cyril's misery. I left the room sooner than I should and hence Andrew is too occupied today with the kids, so I decided to peek into his room and finally get my hands on the home key.
Thanks, Lord.
Silently with light steps I immediately leave the mansion.
***
"Arghh," I shivered in an instant when I step out of the taxi, it's too cold and then I walk towards the main door of my parent's house.
Walking towards the door while staring at the house which is covered with snow, I start to reminisce the memories of my past, the laughter, the fights, the sadness everything unleashes in front of me, stinging my eyes badly.
I unlock the door with the keys and the door opens with a "THUD"
The layer of musty smell surrounds me and I couldn't help but cough while fanning away the awful smell. I try to switch the lights but it's of no use. Everything in the house remains the same, the furniture, the walls, I pull up the cloth covering the sofa and dust starts to fan over on me, again coughing starts and it takes me some time to finally stabilize myself.
The past flashes in my eyes as I take the stairs and walk to my room, and then Cyril's room, I see him sitting on the bed as usual writing something discreetly in his book, he looks up at me and gives me a mischievous grin while hiding his book under the pillow, while I pounce at him, tickling him, and the laughter fills the room.
This laughter doesn't give me any delight but fills my heart with sorrow and I start to shed helpless tears of grief. I sob until I go breathless and my vision starts to blur.
My hands get cold and so do my feet. I lay on the ground, it's dusty and cold, but in my eyes, I see the warmth of this room, Cyril sitting on the bed, my mom taking care of him and my father towering over them, watching them with warm eyes.
BOOM
There is warmth around me, I am warm enough that it feels like my body is melting under lava, I am sinking into softness and I am liking it as I snuggle into the warmth, feeling ticklish as I open my droopy eyes.
I see black all black, I move and feel something soft under me instead of the hard floor. The place is also familiar but not my parent's house. I pull my head away to see properly where I am and see the familiar face on top of me.
Peaceful, calm, his breath shallows, and as my eyes start to go down I instantly realize that he is not wearing clothes and neither am I.
For the first time, I don't feel panic around him, instead, I am at ease, or maybe I would say aroused. He swallows in his sleep and his veins move, taking my attention, my eyes lustfully wander on his body.
He had always been a handsome, attractive man, his first sight had made me go weak and here I am today, no matter what he did, what had been done, I am still attached to him with my soul, my heart, my body, everything.
This man rules my heart and still now, he has the kind of effect on me that made me bow to him but somehow the fear of losing Cyrus always wins whenever I need to choose between him and Cyrus.
But my heart aches terribly because somehow I am still in love with him. How could someone let go of their first love, How? The only man who had touched me made me vulnerable under him.
How could I forget all those moments? Is it easy to forget, no… Never.
Those memories never faded away and neither could they be erased from my mind.
"Hmm.." He moves in his sleep and quickly I close my eyes afraid that he will catch me staring at him, his hand subconsciously moves around my waist pulling me closer, my head again pressed into his chest making my vision black, and his hair tickles my nose and I try my best to not make an annoying sound.
His groin presses into my stomach making me flush in embarrassment.
I am too hot and his erection keeps pressing into my stomach, although I know he is unaware of his doing but still I couldn't help but curse him in my mind.
I wonder if in all those four years he had spent his night with any woman or many women, he was loyal to me but after I was gone, I don't know if he remained loyal to me.
But, why would he? He wasn't bound to me and nor do I have the right to question him.
A dull voice comes out as a snort and angrily my hands clench into a fist and there, I hear a muffling whisper over me, "Hisss.."
I quickly close my eyes again and then realizing that my hand has clenched his warmth, I let it go in embarrassment.
How could I be so shameless and careless?
Andrew moves, I know, now he is fully awake, his hands travel from my waist to breasts and I suck in a cold breath, F**k, no, is he going to?
The thought runs shivers down me but I feel panic too if I let him have me then maybe he would feel superior to me, and what if he tries to manipulate me by using sex?
This man is so good at making me beg what if he did something again? And that would cost me my Cyrus, No…
Noo.. I can give up everything in my life except Cyrus.
I intend to hold his hand when he stops himself, his hands again resting on my waist pulling me closer while his lips imprint on my forehead in a loving gesture, he murmurs some gibberish in his sleep, and soon I also dozed off in his arms.
****
"Mommy…
Mommy…" I hear the noises from the outside and open my eyes just to find myself alone in the bed. I move trying to fix my disoriented mind when suddenly the door opens and Aaron and Cyrus run to me.
In a panic, I pull the sheets on me, if I remember correctly I was sleeping naked last night and Andrew. Wasn't he also here with me?
"Stop…" I yell in panic and Aaron and Cyrus stop in their tracks blinking at me in confusion.
"Uhmm… I…" I look at them with a blank mind and then look down at me, my eyes open wide as I can see the clothes on my body, and it's none other than the same night dress I used to wear with Andrew.
Does he still have those nightdresses of mine? But why? I mean, how?
My mind was in a daze when Cyrus' voice came over, "Can we walk now, Mommy?"
"Oh… Yes, yes, of course." I jerk my head up and then open my arms allowing them both to jump in my embrace.
"Mommy, Daddy told us we are going to fly…" Cyrus makes a sign of flying with an excited look on his face.
"Oh, really?" I look at him lost.
"Yes, we are going to meet your parents. Daddy told us, ``we have gran…and…"
"Grandparents." Aaron helps him get the word and Cyrus looks at him with a thankful smile, "Yes, we have grandparents… You also have a father and mother like me and Aaron." Cyrus says proudly and I stifle my laugh.
Does he really take me as an orphan? But it's not his fault I never mention my parents to him ever but I wonder if Aaron knows about them because he looks too calm and not as excited as Cyrus is.
"Why doesn't Aaron look happy, huh?" I held Aaron up and put him in my lap. This poor boy is too weak, and his appearance reminds me of the time when Cyril was sick and my heart tightens instantly for him.
"I am not feeling good, Mommy… Will after surgery you leave me again?" He looks up, his eyes the same as mine filled with innocence and purity.
A lump seems to stick inside my throat, not letting me speak.
"Uhmm… No, why would I leave you, Aaron?" I hug him tightly, my hand rubbing his petite back to soothe him.
"Why did you leave me before, Mommy?" He questions and I go dumbstruck, what I am going to tell him, I was lost in a daze when Cyrus too joins him, "Yes, Mommy why did you leave Aaron to daddy?"
Oh, what I am supposed to tell, I have never known the existence of Aaron, I am such a pathetic mother.
My head starts to hurt painfully, I look at Cyrus expecting eyes and then Aaron's pitiful one, these kids…
"I…." I open my mouth and then close it. Then I open it again and again and close it helplessly, I have nothing to say, they are too small to understand what I had done in the past and for what reasons I did it.
At last, I think of a lie and open my mouth, "Actually, I …." and there the door opens in my room and I see Andrew walking over with a box of donuts in his hands. "Who wants donuts?"
He asks in a cheerful tone and both kids turn to him, forgetting the question they had asked. Aaron also sits up from my lap peeking into the box but didn't make an attempt to pick a donut.
"Why you're not taking a donut?" I look down at Aaron and ask in confusion.
"No chocolates for me," He snuggles in my arms with a sad face, Oh my Boy, while Cyrus devours the donuts in his hand.
Sigh…
I glare at Andrew, why had he brought the donuts in front of Aaron when he knows he is forbidden to eat them?
"He can eat only this much." Andrew hands me a small piece and I happily take it, "Aaron, Mommy will feed you." I feed him the small piece of donut and he stays in my lap all the time, like a small baby bear. I hug him warmly, this would be the first time he stays so close to me and I am liking this closeness.
After all, he is my son too.
"We will leave after lunch," Andrew informs me and there is no need to ask where because the kids had already told me that we are going to fly but the clothes, and packing.
"I have prepared the bags, just take shower and get ready." He seems to see through my worries and I nod at him with gratitude but what about last night?
How did I come here and why was he in my bed naked? And in the morning he was gone, and now acting like nothing happened, and the house keys? Where the hell have the keys gone?
