Chapter 147
844words
"Did the drinking help?"
"Does drinking ever help?" He stands a bit away from me his blond hair very messy and his eyes red and tired
"You can stay and shower if you want"
"No I can't, Lyndsey made it very clear you didn't want me here" I can honestly say the answer to that is I don't know what I want "I'm just
gonna go back to the bar and get my car. Here" he hands me the note he was writing and I read it as he walks around me to leave thank
you for letting me stay and don't be mad at Lyndsey she was just helping. I mis- and the note stops there "it was good seeing you Keegan" he puts on his jacket
"You're just gonna give me a half written note?"
The half smile appears again "I think you can figure out that I'm trying to say I miss you"
"I miss you too" I admit then realize I probably wasn't supposed to say that. His half smile turns into a full smile and I find myself smiling at him too
"No you don't"
"Why can't I miss you?"
"Because I fucked everything up and Lyndsey told me that you moved on" of course she did "Because I thought you moved on"
"It is physically impossible for me to move on from you Keegan" he takes two steps closer to me
then calms himself down "but that's my punishment and I deserve it" he gets sad
And I'm left watching him go through his emotions, he stands in front of me head low, eyes looking at the floor because he's too afraid to look at me. "What do you say about me?" I ask randomly "when you're at the bar"
He stammers and runs his hand in his hair "I don't know... I'm always too drunk to remember" I know how uncomfortable he gets when he lies
"No you can remember, what do you say about me? The truth" I search for his eyes until they're locked in mines
"I say things like I had this guy who was everything I ever wanted and needed, and because of my selfish insecurities I fucked it all up. I messed up so bad that he'd rather delete me out of his life then think about giving me a second chance" he's angry and I deserve that.
I honestly didn't think about it, Rylan hurt me and I didn't think about us I thought about me. "Don't make me feel guilty for being hurt Rylan, you hurt me"
"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty I'm just putting it all out there, you didn't do anything wrong" he stops taking a beat then continues
"I'm sorry I hurt you Keegan but is this even about Amanda anymore?"
I stop and really think about the question and honestly the answer is "it stopped being about Amanda a long time ago"
"Then why did you continue to ignore me?"
I actually know the answer to that one "you're a straight guy Rylan, no matter what you tell yourself or what happened between us the whole point is that you're straight."
He scoffs "I stopped being straight a long time ago, I know sleeping with Amanda doesn't help that case but it's true, I like you, I think about you, I'm in love with you. That doesn't make me straight." Rylan moves closer to me "what else do you want me to say Keegan?"
"Nothing just prove it to me"
"I can- I can do that!" His smile widens showing his teeth
"Good now will you kiss me ple-" I don't even finish asking and Rylan's lips are already on mine, he grab the back of my neck as I run my hand against his jaw feeling it tighten every time his lips wrap around mine. Kissing each other excitedly our arms and hands caress each other
Until the front door swings open "couldn't sit in my car any longer" Lyndsey walks in then sees us "shit! I'm so sorry! I was sitting out there for so long I thought you guys got all that out already" she apologizes noticing Rylan and I were kissing.
"If we ignore her she'll go away" I whisper to Rylan making him laugh and he brings his lips forward kissing me again
"Oh you're just gonna ignore me huh?" She says and Rylan and I continue to kiss "ok fine guess I'll actually go to class then" she turns around walking out the door
Rylan and I pull away laughing "I feel bad" "Don't worry she deserved it."
