Chapter 141
1044words
"Welcome back!" She opens the door for me with a smile on her face "Thank you good to be back" I walk in and she shuts the door.
"How are you?" We walk around her office until I get to the couch and she sits across me in her chair
"I'm good tired as all hell but it's all part of it I guess"
"It is" she smiles. Picking up her notepad and pen "alright Matt let's get started shall we" "Let's do it" I reply
"Good, at our last session you had just started college, let's pick up from there"
"Right ok, umm because I was a foster kid I had to get financial aid and grants and stuff to help get to school. I moved away from my horrible foster home and started living on campus, the first year was a little rough because I couldn't work and had no one else to support me so I had to fend for myself, which was kind of a recurrence for me. I made it to the second year and realized that I was never going to make it long enough in college so I had to take initiative."
"What'd you do?"
I answer honestly "I started doing porn. It's California and it was easy money, nobody cared about me so I had no one to hide it from and who doesn't like sex?"
She writes down then looks back up at me "that was your only option completely understandable, how was being in that business?"
"Fine honestly, I worked when I wanted, it never interfered with school, and I got to fall in love because of it."
"You fell in love?" She smiles "tell me about that?" "Oh" I chuckle "his name was Gage"
"Did you two meet working together or?"
"No we met the day after we both got hired by the same company, it was our physicals day and we were both sitting in the in-house lobby
of the doctor who was going to do our tests." Getting comfortable I continue to talk "I was nervous as hell, I just got hired to do porn, and I was sitting in a doctors office about to run tests that I thought were going to ruin my chances. There was only one other person in the room and after a while of sitting across each other he moves next to me."
"Mind if I sit with you I'm freaking out and don't really want to be alone?" He sits next to me smiling "No that's fine I'm nervous too" I can't even look at his face I'm panicking
"First time?" He asks
"It's obvious isn't it?" I'm practically sweating through my shirt, a shirt I bought to get a physical! What the fuck is wrong with me?
"No I just hoped you'd be as nervous as I am, I've never done this before either"
"Great we can't even reassure each other that it's going to be fine"
"Maybe it won't be as bad, I know this guy that told me it was over before he knew it"
I turn to him finally looking at him "they're about to shove cold metal tools up our asses it will be that bad" I'm a practical person and if this guy can't reassure me of anything then I'm getting practical.
He laughs "I'm Gage" he reaches his hand to me "Matt, nice to meet you" I shake it back
"Wow you are nervous" he feels my sweaty palms
"Wasn't making it up" I take my hand away. "I'm more nervous now than I was 2 days ago when I had my public speaking speech, and about
50 percent of the words I was saying were complete garbage"
He laughs at me "I know that feeling oh too well I get nervous in front of crowds and people too" Smiling I say "I don't think we're going in the right profession"
"You might be right"
We both laugh until the nurse comes out calling "Leo Catch doctor's ready whenever you are" "Thank you" I turn back replying "I just need a minute"
"Sure" she walks away.
Turning to Gage "Leo Catch?" He asks grinning "It's ridiculous I know but it's sexier than Matt Heidelberg"
"I think Matt Heidelberg is plenty sexy" he flirts as I get ready to stand up
"We can't all be as sexy as Gage whatever your last name is" we smile at each other and I walk into the doctor's office.
The memory comes back to me as if it happened yesterday. Sitting across my therapist she asks "what was being with Gage like? How did you know you were in love?"
"Gage wasn't like anyone I've ever met, he taught me so much, he treated me as if I was the only person in the world to him. I was never important to anyone but to him, I held the highest honor, he taught me how to laugh and not just make jokes, but to laugh and look past the little things. I was a messed up teen and he was patient with me, he was always honest and when I looked in his crystal blue eyes I always saw myself falling deeper and deeper in love."
"What the hell Matt! Jacob just told me you quit." Gage walks into our apartment as I'm doing homework sitting at the kitchen peninsula
"I did I couldn't do it anymore Gage I love you too much, it doesn't feel right to me" "That's not fair now I have to quit"
"No you don't, you love it so I'm ok with it, I just don't think I'm as strong as you are"
"Babe you're very strong don't say that" he comes to me resting his forehead against mine "we're in this together so if you're out then I'm out
too."
"No I don't want you to quit I know you love this, and I really don't care if you do it because at the end of the day you're mine, but I just want
to only belong to you. It's not the same for me because no one else is you" He pulls me off my stool and kisses me "fuck I love you"
