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During this summer vacation,I was in a difficult situation.
Relatives,friends,teachers,and classmates all knew about this matter.
They came to visit me at home one after another.
That look of sympathy and regret,it was only when I grew up that I understood that it also contained a bit of schadenfreude.
Human nature is inherently evil.Except for one's own close relatives,there are really not many people who wish you well.
A week later,the bustling small town returned to its former tranquility.
It was as if this matter had never happened.
It was as if this matter was just something that people could casually discard as a topic of conversation after a meal.
My parents'attitudes also changed a lot.
My mother looked much more haggard.Although she pretended to smile in front of me.
But I knew that with her red and swollen eyes,she must have cried many times behind my back.
My mother cared for and loved me even more than before.
Several times,when I was half asleep and half awake,I saw a figure.
She sat by my bed,gently stroking my face,whispering over and over again,"Amanda,Mom is sorry.It's all Mom's fault.Mom didn't take good care of you."
As for my father,there was no longer a smile on his face.
He often looked dejected while smoking a cigarette,and sometimes he would get drunk.
When he was drunk,he would cry and laugh.
Once,when I got up to use the toilet in the middle of the night,I found my father slapping himself in the face while crying.
The once warm and happy home was shrouded in a shadow.
My mother never mentioned this matter in front of me.
My father didn't mention it either.
I was always very puzzled.How could the father who had shouted that he wanted to kill that beast suddenly stop fighting?
This matter had been so uproarious at the beginning,but now it ended so quietly.
Everyone stopped talking about it,but I could clearly feel that the way people looked at me had changed.
My name is Amanda,and I was 9 years old that year.
In the blink of an eye,I reached the fourth and fifth grades and began to realize the differences between men and women.
After experiencing that incident,I became taciturn.
I hated male teachers,male students,and all men except my father.
I stopped learning the piano,even though I had a great talent for it.
As soon as I touched the strings,I would recall what Teacher Ella had done to me.
The dimly lit room,the miserable and helpless little girl,the repulsive man,the disgusting physical contact.Just thinking about any of these things made me feel as sick as if I had eaten a fly.
My parents acquiesced.
By the time I was in the sixth grade,I even resisted my father.
I refused him to hold my hand,kiss me,or carry me.As long as there was any physical contact,I would dodge like lightning.
In junior high school,in the biology class,when the teacher talked about the physiological structure,I suddenly understood.
That bastard named Ella had done something more beastly than anything else to me.
The harm he caused me was not only physical but also psychological.
The physical pain was like someone using a knife to cut my flesh inch by inch.The blood was gushing,and the pain penetrated deep into my bones.
And the psychological pain was like giving me the most severe punishment of lingering death.I was cut to pieces,and it was more painful than death.
I was no longer that innocent and lovely little girl.I was full of vigilance towards the world.
As for Ella,he left that music store.It was said that he invested his own money to open a new music store.
He no longer gave lessons and became the owner of the music store overnight.
How ironic.He caused me serious trauma,but he himself remained unscathed.
My parents and relatives never went to look for Ella again.
My hidden wound was scattered in the wind.
What I found even more unacceptable was that I discovered my father's secret...
