CHAPTER 11: DAMON'S CONFUSION
989words
What the hell was wrong with me?
I stared at the ceiling of our dorm room, listening to Ari's steady breathing from across the room. It was 2 AM, and I hadn't slept a wink. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him—the way his face had looked when I'd pinned him during combat training, the little gasp he'd made, the electricity that shot through me every time we touched.
This was insane. I was attracted to my male roommate.
*Fuck.*
I'd never questioned my sexuality before. Girls had always been easy—flirt a little, flash the Blackwood charm, and they'd fall all over themselves. I'd dated some, enjoyed their company, even had a few serious relationships. I was straight. One hundred percent, absolutely, definitely straight.
So why did I find myself watching the way Ari's lips curved when he smiled? Why did that accidental brush of our hands yesterday send electricity shooting up my arm? And why did I have the overwhelming urge to pin him against the wall and—
*Stop.* I scrubbed my hands over my face. This was getting ridiculous.
Maybe it was just the mate bond thing some wolves talked about—that deep connection that supposedly transcended everything else. But mate bonds were rare, especially for Alphas, and they usually involved your destined partner being female. Could the Moon Goddess really have made my mate a... guy?
I turned onto my side, studying Ari's sleeping form in the moonlight. There was something almost delicate about his features, something that seemed out of place in this testosterone-fueled academy. His voice had gotten deeper since he'd arrived, but sometimes when he was excited or nervous, it would spike higher. And his scent...
There was definitely something off about his scent. Not bad—never bad. Actually, it was probably the most appealing scent I'd ever encountered, which was part of the problem. But it was muted somehow, like he was wearing some kind of masking agent.
Which was weird, because why would a guy need to mask his scent?
"Damon?" Ari's sleepy voice broke through my spiraling thoughts. "You okay? You seem restless."
Great. Now I'd woken him up with my internal gay crisis.
"Fine," I said, probably too quickly. "Just thinking about tomorrow's training."
He turned toward me, and in the dim light, I could see those blue eyes—so much like mine, but softer somehow. "Want to talk about it?"
*Yes,* my traitorous brain supplied. *I want to talk about how you're driving me crazy and I don't understand why and I think I might be having some kind of sexual identity crisis because of you.*
"I'm good," I said instead. "Go back to sleep."
He studied me for a moment longer, then nodded. "Okay. But if you need to talk..."
"Thanks," I managed.
As he settled back into sleep, I found myself making a mental note to do some research. There had to be something online about sudden changes in sexual attraction, right? Maybe it was just a phase. Maybe being surrounded by guys 24/7 was messing with my head.
Or maybe I really was attracted to Ari Silver, and I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to do about it.
I thought about today's combat training, how it felt to have him beneath me, the way his body had felt small and warm under mine. The little sound he'd made when I'd pinned him—it had taken every ounce of self-control not to lean down and...
*OMG, Blackwood. Get it together.*
But even as I told myself to stop thinking about it, my mind wandered to other moments. The way he'd looked when he first walked in on me naked—not disgusted or uncomfortable like most straight guys would be, but... interested? The way he always seemed to be watching me when he thought I wasn't looking. The way he'd responded to that stupid joke about us being "even" after I saved him from Carter.
Was it possible that he was feeling this too? This weird, electric pull between us?
And if he was... what did that mean? About him? About me?
I'd always been confident in who I was. Damon Blackwood, future Alpha, ladies' man, captain of the hocky team. But now? Now I was lying awake at 2 AM questioning everything I thought I knew about myself because of a scrawny first-year with mysterious eyes and an infectious laugh.
Maybe I should talk to someone about this. But who? My father would probably have an aneurysm. My friends would think I'd lost my mind. And Dominic... God, what would my brother think if he knew I was having these thoughts about another guy?
The phone call earlier had been awkward enough. Dom pressing me for information about the missing princess, me deflecting because honestly, I had bigger things to worry about than some runaway bride. Like the fact that I was apparently questioning my sexuality because of my roommate.
I glanced over at Ari again, noting the way the moonlight caught in his hair, making it look almost silver. There was something familiar about him, something that nagged at the back of my mind, but I couldn't quite place it.
One thing was certain—I needed to figure this out before it drove me completely insane. Maybe I'd do some research tomorrow. Maybe I'd talk to someone. Maybe I'd just ignore it and hope it went away.
But even as I thought it, I knew ignoring it wasn't an option. Whatever this was between Ari and me, it wasn't going anywhere.
The question was: what was I going to do about it?
And more importantly: was I ready to accept that maybe, just maybe, Damon Blackwood wasn't as straight as he'd always thought?
The thought should have terrified me. Instead, as I finally drifted off to sleep, I found myself oddly... hopeful.
Even if I had no idea what that hope was for.
