Chapter 83
1604words
I know I sounded harsh, but I was still feeling way too much pain to care.
Blowing out a breath, Axel ran a hand down my hair,
"Knowing that you aren't feeling so well right now, I've decided not to probe on what you would really want me to do. However, I'm grateful for this go-ahead. I intend to do it justice. Paris won't know what's coming for him."
"he still can't know my true identity. Just in case you plan on confronting him directly."
"Oh, it's okay. Your true identity is safe. At the very least, until you need to ascend your position, or whenever it Is you are ready."
I scoffed when a thought entered into my mind,
"what's that?" Axel asked, and I lifted my head to face him,
"It's something dumb."
"I'm sure I can handle it."
"I'm just thinking about how I had begun thinking about the kind of man I wanted at my side when I finally took my place as Alpha queen. I always found myself thinking about Paris. Especially these past couple of days. He might have been an arse of a husband, but he really is one hell of a leader. I had believed our people would flourish with him as their king."
Axel made a face and I laughed in spite of myself,
"Yes, I believe I have begun to think too deeply, a bit too far."
"You don't have to feel stupid for having big dreams. If anyone should feel stupid, it's him. He's the one who ruined it all. He's the one to be blamed. It's why he'll be getting everything that will be coming his way."
I sniffed and nodded, "Yeah." I was silent for a moment before shrugging, "I know the night isn't over yet, but I wonder if it'll be okay with you if I leave early. I don't feel so good."
"It's okay. I want that as well. I'll just ask Jean to take you home," he said and began to rise, then stretched out his hand to me,
I took it and let him draw me to my feet, "I came here with Ashley though."
"I'll talk to her for you, she wouldn't mind. And don't worry about her being alone, as I'll be more than happy to keep her company."
"I'm starting to believe you have something for her," I said, turning to look at him with a goofy smile, but he shook his head,
"Only a man willing to be damned would set his sights on Ashley," he said with a calm expression, I was going to ask what he meant by that, but I thought I understood where he was coming from. And then, there were his eyes. Something in his eyes told me it would be for the best if I did not probe.
"Wait here," he said to me at the entrance of the banquet hall, "let me get Jean."
"Okay." I sighed and soon found myself walking to the window. There would be a full moon soon, that much I could see, but I embraced it's coming with some sadness in my heart.
Too long, it had been entirely too long since I had embraced my wolf nature. Lately, I have been trying to do just that. But for some reason, it felt like anytime I took a step in that direction, life would happen and I would be pushed at least three steps backward.
I was supposed to be the alpha queen at some point in my life, and no part of me was ready for such a kind of responsibility. It was both terrifying and saddening.
" your head seems heavy." I didn't jump at jeans' sudden and quiet appearance. But instead, I slowly turned to him and smiled,
"I didn't hear you coming."
"Of course, you didn't. your head is so full right now." he said and ran a hand down my hair, "in as much as it saddens me we don't get to complete our dance, how about I take you home now?"
I swallowed past the tears I felt rising at his tenderness and nodded softly.
The ride home was somewhat quiet. Almost as though he was giving me the chance to let my mind wander and I appreciated it. But after some time, when I felt as though my own thoughts were beginning to suffocate me, I turned to him,
"Thank you for being here with me. I don't think I deserve how kind you are to me considering what I did to you."
"ah, Ember. You know, I didn't end up having a reputation as a badass Alpha by being soft and kind, but nevertheless, I actually have moments from time to time."
I smiled, " I have heard whispers of being ruthless. I believe the terms used were "that French bastard" and some other things of the like." that earned me a chuckle and I smiled some more.
"you're going to have to tell me the people who said all of that."
"So you can skin them alive? I'd rather not."
"Ah well. Can't please them all."
"except, you aren't trying to please them. But then again, I did do some of my own research about you Jean. You're respected. You go all out for your people. Some of them may fear you, but they can't deny that you are always on their side."
He took his eyes off the road for a moment and spared me a glance, "That's really sweet of you to say."
I nodded and turned away from him to look out the window, "that's me. All sweet and cuddly." I said and I knew he caught my sarcasm because he reached out to take my hand in mine,
"Paris is an idiot," he said and squeezed at my hand, but his kindness only made my lips wobble, so I struggled to get out of his hold, but he only held on tighter,
"what he is and what he isn’t doesn't change the way I feel right now."
"I suppose it wouldn't, considering that love is blind. But I believe it's only right that I put it out there. That you know that you really aren’t responsible for the stupid choices that sun of a gun is making. It would break my heart if you chose to take all of the blame."
"I'm not trying to take all of the blame."
"I'd rather you didn't take any part of the blame. He and he alone is responsible for what has happened. He and he alone is responsible for the choices he has made. He has made his choices, it's unfair that you should take responsibility for those choices."
I pressed my lips together to keep them from wobbling and said nothing so I wouldn't end up crying in front of Jean. It was honestly the last thing he needed right then.
When we got to my place, I said nothing, but I didn't get out of his car either,
"need a moment?" he asked, watching me,
"I need a moment." I said and blew out a breath, "I don’t know if I owe you an apology or a thousand thank yous."
"An apology right now would make no sense to me. But instead of a thousand thank yous, perhaps if you feel up to it on Saturday, we can spend some time together."
I was about to say yes when a thought hit me. The last thing I needed right then was to use Jean or anyone else for that matter to get over Paris. It was unfair. So instead I chose my words properly,
"At this point, I don't think I want to engage in anything that feels like love or romance."
"then it doesn't have to be a romantic setup. Just to friends, hanging out, and trying to escape the pressures of life."
"the pressures of life?" I asked with a weak smile
"oui," he said enthusiastically and I smiled, before letting out a deep breath,
"I don’t want to take advantage of the feelings you might still have for me at a time like this."
"but here I am, trying to take advantage of your sudden heartbreak," I opened my mouth agape at his words, and smiled when he smirked,
"Jean," I said and punched his arms good-humoredly, but he took both of my hands in his,
"I'm not denying that I still have feelings for you. It'd be too stupid to lie like that. Neither am I going to pretend that Paris made a mess of things, although I am sorry that he hurt you this bad. A woman as kind and as beautiful as you does not deserve to be hurt this way. So, as much as I'm willing to take advantage of the destination, I am not pleased with the route that took you there."
I sighed and wordlessly moved into his arms, and my wolf instantly found the comfort it was seeking, it was like my wolf and I had spent the entire night running a race, and alas, we had finally stopped and found solace and rest.
And that worried me because it meant it would be too easy to fall for Jean. Especially with the fact that he offered the compassion I needed. It would be entirely too easy. So, I needed to be careful.
"Je suis la pour toi, mi amor." he sighed and ran his hand over my hair.
"I know," I replied in English. And promised myself, tomorrow.
I would worry about being careful tomorrow.
