Chapter 48
1529words
"you and I both know that is going to be hard… or nearly impossible. " Paris said, reaching out to take my hand.
"Then that's on you because I'm done here. I only came here to know for myself that you are doing okay. Now that I know that for myself, then I'm okay. All is well, and I'd really like to be my way now."
"He's not going to be everything that you want to make him out to be."
“Who are you talking about?”
“Who else would I be talking about at such a time? William of course.”
"I already told you Paris, this isn't about William."
"Then who?"
"No one! It isn't about anyone! It’s about you, and me, and how you’ve decided to not take no for an answer. How you won’t sign those damned divorce papers. It’s about us and a damn lack thereof.”
“That’s a bit hard , don’t you think?”
“Nothing compared to how I was treated. Trust me. Leave me alone, Paris.”
"I wish it was as easy as you say. I wish leaving you alone was so easy. Then I’d do it and we’d be done being a pain in each other’s arse." he said quietly and looked at me intently, "you know I'm not signing any divorce papers, right?"
I fought off the urge to reach into my bag for the papers I had in there because I had already made up my mind that I wasn't doing it that day. But I was tempted. In the face of his adamance, I was tempted.
"you'll have to eventually." I said quietly, "Why would you not sign it?"
"because I don't want to let you go. Because the idea of you with William sickens me."
"I'm not with William, and were I with William, it would not be any of your business," I said quietly
“It’s not just William. The thought that somebody who isn’t me could feel you. Could touch you and own you. That makes me terribly ill. That makes my wolf want to whine until eternity.”
I swallowed with difficulty and shook my head.
“That’s not on me, Paris.”
"Maybe not. But you are my Luna, Ember. And until I sign those papers, you won't stop being my Luna, so this is in every way my business. You are my business."
I only rolled my eyes,
"get well soon, Paris," I said and began turning away, but held me where I was,
"I won't make it so easy for you. And until I sign those papers, this relationship you're so adamant on having will be on hold, unless you want to be one of those women who go out of their way to have relationships when they are still married."
I looked at him hoping my irritation showed,
"you really have chosen to sink low."
"a man must do what he can."
I only sighed.
"Look, just hear me out," he said, placing his hands on my cheeks and I pressed my lips together,
"You only need me."
I wanted to beat back at his ego, but found I didn't have the strength. My wolf liked the feel of him all too much.
"I do need you. I need you to let go of me."
"I can't," he whispered, bringing his lips closer to me, and I held my breath as I began to tremble under his hold,
"Paris, don't drag me back to the place I fought so hard to leave," I whispered back, but my feeble plea was lost on him,
"if it means not having another and holding you this way." he said, putting a hand around my waist and pulling me close, "If it means that I can sleep knowing that you are no one else's, then I'll go as low as I must." he said and brought his lips to mine, "I'll drag you as much as I can if it means dragging you back to me," he added and kissed me thoroughly until my knees felt weak, and the last of my working brain cells slowly turned to mush.
"stop." I pleaded when our lips came apart, but I pleaded, once again, fell on deaf ears, helped me off my feet, and carried me to his bed.
Gently, so gently he laid me, and I felt an ache form in my heart.
How long had I longed for this when we were both still together? How often I longed for moments such as this.
He kneeled over me, trapping his body, and I looked up at him. Even injured and not so well, he was still the most handsome man u had ever met.
Even after all this time, he was still the man my wolf and heart longed for.
He bowed over me and trailed kisses around my neck, making my breath catch again and again,
I took his face in my hands when his lips came to take mine, and shook my head, as tears formed in my eyes,
"You can't do this to me."
"do what, Em?" he asked trailing a finger down my cheek,
"hurt me this way."
"I'm not trying to hurt you, Em," he said pressing his forehead against mine, and kissing me again,
"But you are," I said pulling his head once again from me, and stared into his eyes,
"I wanted you so badly when we were married. There were nights I cried myself to sleep because of how much I missed you and wanted to share a bed with you. And in the end, I was left with a hunger. a hunger I was never able to satisfy. A hunger I was made to live with until it simply went away."
"or perhaps you simply learned to live with it," he said, surprisingly patient and gentle, and I nodded, as I lost the battle to the tears that clouded my eyes,
"And now, here you are, trying to resurrect that hunger and I simply can't let you. Because to live with that sort of hunger again, to want so badly something I can't have? It would kill me a second time, Paris. The loss of you would kill me a second time."
He said nothing but brought his lips to mine. But this time around, he was soft, and gentle, as though he was trying so hard not to hurt me.
But for some reason, that hurt me even more.
"Paris, please."
"I'm not going to hurt you again, Em. Or perhaps I will, because sometimes these things are unavoidable, but I promise I'll try. This time around, I'll try again and again, until I get it right."
I shook my head, as my tears trailed down the sides of my cheeks,
"I'm not taking such a chance, Paris," I said. I let go of his cheeks and swiped at my tears, but for the life of me, I couldn't get him to get off me.
"and I'm not letting you go. So what are you doing here?"
"you're too stubborn for your own good," I said and pressed my hands against his chest, but he put his hand over both of mine, brought one to his lips, and kissed it.
"Perhaps if I were this stubborn about us in the first place…then I would have never let the mate bond control me so much."
His words touched me, but I wasn't ready to be moved. I wasn't going to be weak. Not with how far I had come.
A knock sounded on the door, and when I turned to the door, his eyes stayed on me,
"You have a visitor," I said when he didn't make any move to get off me.
"I'm not interested in having any visitors at the moment.
The knock came again, and this time around he grunted,
“Can’t a man be alone with himself for once in this place?” He whispered and the pain in his expression had me almost smiling,
“You aren’t alone at the moment.” I remarked and he smiled,
“Maybe not.” He said watching me
"Alpha Paris, are you awake?" the person on the other side of the door said, and Paris closed his eyes in exasperation,
"It's my Beta," he said, and sighed, before rolling off me.
My wolf whined for him when he did, but I wasn't going to do anything to help her. I took the time to straighten out myself as Paris went to the door, and when he opened the door, his beta came into view and looked into the room like he was about to witness a very interesting movie.
"hello Ember," he said with a bright smile, that made me want to stir, but I nodded and got up,
"Hi, Jackson. It's been a while. I was just about to leave." I said and started walking toward the door, but Paris caught me by hand,
"no, you aren't." I looked up at him in surprise, but the look on his face told me he was very serious.
Really, Paris? Right here, right now? I wanted to ask, but could only keep staring at him.
