Chapter 11
883words
Tears streamed down my face.
Danny Lawrence always bought his suits from market stalls, claiming custom tailoring was too expensive. "That money could buy a nice bracelet I like."
That bracelet had been given to me long ago.
I wore it for two months before putting it away—it felt too heavy. When Danny Lawrence discovered this, he just smiled and promised to buy me a lighter style next time.
I sighed deeply. "I failed."
Sansa Woods adjusted the rearview mirror. "I'm curious—Danny Lawrence has looks, family background, and decent character. Why don't you like him? Is it because he's too familiar?"
"It's not that. I think... it might be too late."
Henry Growth called me daily.
He claimed it was because Cersei Wright had completely stopped talking to him, and he'd get depressed if he didn't talk to someone.
So we met up to study advanced math again.
"How's it going? Feeling detached from worldly desires yet?"
"No."
"Do another problem."
We continued torturing ourselves this way.
Eventually, I realized that no matter how hard I tried to focus on math, my thoughts kept drifting to Danny Lawrence.
Henry Growth: "No way! This is Stockholm syndrome. There's no sister in the world who likes her brother!"
I laid on the table: "We're not biological siblings. He's fostered."
Henry Growth: "What?!"
I looked at him: "Who knew you'd be so stupid, thinking all along that we were in an incestuous relationship."
Henry Growth: "Wait, so I've just been a part of your roleplay all this time?"
I: "Not exactly. At the time, I thought I genuinely liked your type."
Henry Growth: "Stop pretending, you don't even know how to write my name."
I wrote down the characters "Hen Growth," and Henry Growth tore up the paper.
Henry Growth seemed troubled: "Cersei also thinks you two are in an incestuous relationship. Oh no... that information is wrong. If she knew the truth, wouldn't she feel guilty?"
I: "What do you mean?"
Henry Growth: "Think about it. If you and Danny Lawrence were in an incestuous relationship, Cersei stepping in would be like a heroic sacrifice, which seems righteous. But if she finds out Danny Lawrence is fostered, and you two are dating, wouldn't that make her the actual other woman?"
I: "So."
Henry Growth was heartbroken: "I must keep this secret! As long as Cersei is happy, I'll do whatever it takes."
I was shocked.
How did I end up choosing such a terrible person out of so many?
Was I too sheltered before, not understanding the cruelty of the outside world?
Well, maybe Henry Growth is right, if you like someone, you should want them to be happy.
Then I hope Danny Lawrence is happy.
Looking at the wine glass in front of me, I fell into deep thought.
Sansa Woods: "I got the lowest proof one, it's like drinking juice. Drink up."
I was stunned: "Aren't you afraid I might drink myself to death?"
Sansa Woods: "Then I've never seen anyone more pathetic than you."
I silently wept inside as I downed a can of plum wine.
It was sweet, just like sparkling water.
Sansa Woods saw I was getting into it: "How is it? Remember anything yet?"
I accidentally had a couple sips of alcohol before, then blacked out, and after that, Danny Lawrence kissed me.
I don't remember what happened at all. If you want me to wish him happiness, at least let me remember first, right?
Who's ever been cremated without dying first.
Sansa Woods's big wavy hair became increasingly blurred, and I "thud—" fell to the ground and passed out.
How did I discover my alcohol allergy?
My parents didn't know.
During the New Year, I stayed with Danny Lawrence in the big villa. After video calling with our four parents across the ocean, I curled up on the sofa eating dried fruits and nuts.
There were liquor-filled chocolates among the dried fruits, and I unwrapped one to eat.
When I regained consciousness, I was lying on Danny Lawrence's lap while he was digging in my mouth.
"Still showing off, huh! Don't you know you're allergic to alcohol?"
The family doctor had just left. Danny Lawrence had dug out the chocolate from my mouth that I hadn't even chewed before passing out, and he shoved medicine down my throat.
I was about to cry.
That was the year I felt most attracted to Danny Lawrence.
I looked in the mirror, like I'd eaten shit.
I said I hated Danny Lawrence because he had seen too many of my embarrassing moments. I hated him so I could avoid ruminating on those memories that made me want to die of embarrassment.
That's not right.
Because when a person keeps holding things in, they become oppressed.
Danny Lawrence became even more handsome in college, always standing out wherever he went, ranking first in GPA and competitions.
And I started to reflect on myself, wondering if I hated Danny Lawrence, or if I hated not having him.
But I realized something more specific.
I hated the feeling of not having Danny Lawrence when I was eighteen.
I always thought he belonged to me because he was my brother, but later realized he didn't belong to me, because I liked him.
