Chapter 22
1695words
'Christ. I've lost my fucking mind," I whisper aloud as I give in to the urge and dial.
The phone rings once. Twice. Three times.
'Would you just go get laid already?" Sapphire snaps the moment the ringing stops, her voice thick with sleep. 'I guarantee it'll be more satisfying than these late-night prank calls."
The corners of my lips twitch despite the wretched night. 'I would if you're offering, fiammetta."
'Zade?" Her voice is suddenly alert. 'What the—" She pauses, then huffs. 'You know it's the middle of the night, right? There are limits to a client-therapist relationship—boundaries, they're called. I think we need to discuss them."
'Who did you think was calling?"
'Oh, that. I get a few prank calls now and then. They like to tantalize me with their silence."
I bugged her phone three weeks ago, but that was only for a few days. If someone else is monitoring her calls, she might be getting silent calls or clicks, especially if it's badly done. 'How can you be sure it's just a prank call?"
'It's one of the hazards of the job. It's probably some lonely chap who needs to hear the sound of another human's voice."
'No, you don't get me, Sapphire. How do you know it's a prank call and not a bug?" I ask
She chuckles, 'Come on, Zade. My life is not that exciting."
'I'd say it is now. I'm in it."
She snaps in irritation, 'Oh wow. Your arrogance is boundless. Completely without limits."
'Well, I've once bugged your phones and intercepted all your calls before."
'What! Zade, that is way out of line. Why would you do that?"
I snort. 'Don't get your panties in a twist, fiammetta, it was only for a couple of days, and just as a precaution." Considering what I'd planned to do to her, bugging her phone seems inconsequential.
'I see. That's why you're paranoid. You think if you could do it, someone else can. Well, I can't imagine who'd want to listen in on my conversations."
'That doesn't mean there isn't, and I can't take that risk."
'Wow. There really is no rest for the wicked, is there?"
I smile, shaking my head. 'No, you little brat. But on a more serious note, you need a secure phone—one that ensures fully encrypted calls."
'Actually, that doesn't sound half bad. It might even come in handy for my telephone sessions."
'It's settled then, I'll get you one."
'Smashing. I'm glad we worked that out. Goodnight, Zade."
'Sapphire!" I call sharply. 'Don't you dare hang up."
'What? Oh, the reason you woke me up in the middle of the night wasn't to discuss phone bugs?"
'Very funny. I want to talk to you."
'I thought my phone wasn't ‘secure' enough for you?"
My need for her outweighs my paranoia, and the thought of waiting till later today to see her is laughable in the state I'm in. 'He's dead because of me," I say without preamble, and I hear her breath catch.
She asks, all traces of humor and sarcasm gone from her voice, 'Leo?"
'They killed him because of me."
'But I thought you did it… never mind, tell me about it, Zade," she says softly, and the sound washes over me like a balm.
I drop into a chair, throw my head back, close my eyes, and picture her face. 'He was promised a shit-ton of cash if he did a job—enough money to move across the world and start a new life. But one job turned into two. And then one more…" I can picture the stricken look on Leo's face when Romario told him what he had to do.
She's silent, but I know she's listening, giving me time to get it out at my own pace.
'I was the job. Leo was supposed to kill me."
'But he couldn't do it," she states. It's not a question.
'No," I reply quietly.
'So, in the end, even though he'd made a mistake, he redeemed himself."
'Si, you could say that."
'But that doesn't make you feel better." Again, not a question.
'I was going to kill him, Sapphire. When he told me what he'd done, I had no choice. But they got to him before I could…"
'It would have ripped you apart if you pulled the trigger."
I close my eyes and see Barzini as if the dead man was in front of me. I have no qualms, no regrets for any of the things I did to him. The sight of blood and his severed windpipe doesn't bother me. But the memory of that single, clean bullet hole in my best friend's head…
My stomach roils. I lean forward and breathe deeply, fighting the urge to vomit.
'I'm sorry, Zade," she says like she means it.
'That's it? No wise words?" I reply more harshly than I'd intended.
'Would it matter if I had any?" she asks gently, not rising to my tone.
I inhale deeply and blow out a heavy breath. 'No," I admit.
'I think Leo proved to you with that final act that he loved you. And I know you loved him too. But still, love is never enough, is it?"
I lean forward, dropping my elbows on my knees. It feels like I'm reaching toward her, trying to draw her next words out.
'Trust… loyalty… they matter more in your world."
I say nothing, but I don't need to—she gets me. I want her to keep talking. It doesn't even matter what she says at this point. I just want to hear her voice. It's soft and calm, but with an undercurrent of steel.
'If one of the club brothers betrayed my dad, there'd be no regaining that trust. Once trust dies, there's no reviving it."
'I know."
'My mother left when I was eight," Sapphire suddenly says.
'I'm sorry to hear that. Why did she leave?" I thought Phoenix was widowed.
'She, uh…" Sapphire hesitates. 'She wanted a different kind of life to what Dad could give her. A clean, new life."
'Ah fiammetta…" I see why she hated my reference to a shiny new life.
'The thing is, Zade, she came back five years later, all changed and so determined to win us back. For a whole year, Dad kept turning her away. He didn't want to expose us to being hurt like that again."
Sapphire pauses, and I imagine her bracing herself for the rest of the story.
'And just when we were starting to let her back in, she disappeared again. Dad later found out she had been living with another man all the time she was away. They even had a little girl… and she'd abandoned her, too.
Oh fuck. 'I'm so sorry." There's a familiar tightening in my belly. A feeling I only ever get with Sapphire. It's an insane desire to have her bury her face in my chest and soak my shirt with those tears I know she's fighting to hold back. A desire to replace her pain with pleasure.
She sniffs, 'We still love and miss her. But it's never going to be enough, is it?"
'Hell no."
'So, Zade, if Leo was still alive and somehow you forgave him, could you still trust him?"
'No." It would have meant always wondering, always looking over my shoulder, waiting for the inevitable blow, and not knowing when or where it would strike.
Now it's my turn to read what's plainly between the lines. 'Sapphire?"
'Yeah?"
'Why did you cut ties from your home?"
I hear her tremulous sigh. 'If I'd stayed, I'd have ended up wearing Rafe's property patch. He was a good person. Everyone respected him. It was a nice feeling to have such a guy in love with me, but I was afraid of turning out like my mother. Of leaving him at some point."
I see. 'And why do you try to hide who you are?"
I can almost picture her shrugging, 'I don't know. My first few relationships, the guys kept breaking up with me. They thought I was weird, and that was before they got to know about the whole MC part of my life. I developed this fear, I guess, that someone I really loved would leave me because of my background. Besides, it's easier to blend in this way with my line of work."
A flash of anger grips me. 'Okay. Listen to me, Sapphire. First off, you're not your mother. You're too stubborn to be pressured into settling for a man you don't love. And second, if you do happen to fall in love and the fucker ever tries to leave you for being yourself, you let me know and—"
'What? You'll put a bullet in them?"
'You better believe it."
Her laughter, light and infectious, catches me off guard. It's surprising how much I want to hear it again, to be the reason why she makes those sounds.
'Why do I find that disturbingly sweet, Zade? I think you're a bad influence on me."
'Oh, no. This one is all you, trust me."
'Yeah, you wish! But, thanks. Really."
I take a breath and realize it comes easier. The vise that had been crushing my chest has loosened a little. She did that. The mouthy woman who I hadn't known existed until three weeks ago has made it easier for me to fucking breathe.
I shake my head.
'No, thank you, Sapphire," I say, then I disconnect the call because this is bad. Because as much as I want to fuck her—possibly more than I've ever wanted a woman before—I'm starting to want the rest of her just as much.
And that is just fucking insane because I'm supposed to be preparing to hitch myself to another woman. I wonder how Orlando De Luca would feel about an alternative.
Another Vitalo.
