Chapter 19
1279words
Lying in Julian's arms, listening to his steady breathing, I stared at the ceiling with wide-open eyes. Moonlight spilled through the gaps in the blinds, casting silver-white stripes on the wall, like prison bars.
Serafina must be looking at this same moonlight now. Through the iron windows, through that cell door that will never open again.
But why don't I feel any satisfaction?
For eighteen years, I've been preparing for this day in every waking moment. I learned over a dozen languages, mastered countless skills, honed myself into the perfect weapon. My calendar was covered with detailed notes of each enemy's birthday, anniversaries, weaknesses, and fears. My wall of vengeance was plastered with their photos, connected by red threads showing the web of their relationships.
Now the wall is empty, and so is my task list.
I don't know what to do when I wake up tomorrow morning.
"Having nightmares again?" Julian's voice softly resonated in the darkness. His arms tightened, pulling me deeper into his embrace.
"I wasn't asleep." My voice was somewhat hoarse. These days, I seemed to have lost the ability to maintain a normal sleep schedule. Drowsy during the day, yet unusually alert at night.
Julian placed a kiss among my hair strands. "Tell me what you're thinking."
"I'm thinking..." I paused, searching for the right words, "I don't know who I am."
This was the first time I admitted this terrifying fact. For eighteen years, I was "Ella the Avenger," that woman with a clear goal and unwavering determination. Now that my vengeance is complete, I'm like an actor who has finished the only role in their life, only to discover they have no idea who they truly are.
"You are Elira Vance." Julian's lips pressed against my ear as he spoke, "You are a brave, intelligent, beautiful woman. You are the strongest person I've ever met."
"All of that was just a disguise for revenge." I turned to face him, seeing his deep blue eyes in the moonlight, "Without these disguises, I am nothing."
Julian was silent for a moment, then said: "Would you like to go to the beach?"
"Now?" I glanced out the window, "At three in the morning?"
"Now." He sat up and began getting dressed, "Trust me."
---
An hour later, we stood on the beach in Malibu. The sea breeze carrying the salty scent hit our faces, and the moon laid a silver path across the waves. Julian took out a wooden box from the car that I had never seen before.
"What is this?" I asked.
He didn't answer, but instead opened the box. Inside was a neatly arranged stack of photographs—every single photo from my revenge wall. Serafina, Jax, Damian, and every person who had participated in bullying me.
My heart began to race. "When did you..."
"The night before last, while you were asleep." Julian took out the first photograph from the box—Serafina's graduation photo. She was wearing a white dress, smiling brilliantly, like an angel. "I think it's time."
He pulled a lighter from his pocket.
"Julian, don't." I tried to stop him, but he had already lit one corner of the photo.
"Why not?" The flames began to consume Serafina's face, "They've already paid the price. How much longer are you going to let them torment you?"
I watched as the photo curled, blackened in the fire, and finally turned to ashes. The sea breeze scattered the ashes, as if they had never existed.
Julian picked up the second photo—a drunk Jax at a nightclub.
"No." My voice was trembling, "Those photos... they are my..."
"They are evidence of your pain." Julian lit the second photo, "But pain shouldn't be your entire identity."
I wanted to grab those photos, but I found myself unable to move. I could only watch helplessly as Julian lit them one by one. The disappearance of each photo felt like a piece of flesh being torn from the depths of my soul.
"Stop." I began to cry, "Please stop."
"Why?" Julian continued his work, the firelight illuminating his face, "Tell me why."
"Because..." my voice was broken, "Because without these, I am nothing."
Julian stopped and turned to look at me. "You think hatred defines you?"
"Yes." I knelt on the beach, tears pouring down like rain, "Hatred keeps me alive, makes me stronger, makes me..."
"To make you suffer." Julian knelt before me, cupping my face, "My dear, hatred never makes a person better. It only makes one become more like those they hate."
He picked up the last photo—me at fifteen, the picture from my school records. That innocent girl who had no idea of the hell that was about to descend upon her.
"This is the real you." He gently stroked the young face in the photo, "This kind, pure, hopeful girl. She never disappeared, she was just buried by hatred."
"She's already dead," I shook my head, "She died when she was fifteen."
"No, she didn't," Julian handed me the photo, "She's just waiting for you to find her."
I took the photo, looking at my younger self. That girl had light in her eyes, a genuine smile, believing the world would be kind to her. I had almost forgotten I was once like that.
"I don't know how to return to her," I said with a choke in my voice.
"It's not about returning to her," Julian kissed my forehead, "but about letting her return to you. Both of you are the complete you."
I looked at the photo in my hand, then slowly handed it to Julian. "You do it."
He understood what I meant. He took the photo and lit the last one. Together we watched the past me disappear in the flames, but this time, I didn't cry.
Instead, I felt a lightness I had never experienced before.
Julian pulled me into his embrace, and we sat holding each other on the beach. The waves washed over the shore again and again, like time cleansing all wounds.
"Who are you now?" Julian asked me.
I thought about it, examining myself honestly for the first time. "I am Elira Vance. I was once a victim, and also once an avenger, but now... now I want to be an ordinary woman. A woman who falls in love, cries, laughs, and does foolish things."
"That sounds like a good start."
I leaned against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "Julian?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you for saving me."
"You saved yourself," his hand gently stroked my hair, "I was just there beside you."
The sky began to show the first light of dawn. We sat there watching the sunrise, watching a new day arrive. This was the first time in my eighteen years that I felt the beauty and hope of a sunrise.
Julian's phone suddenly vibrated. He glanced at the screen, his brow slightly furrowed.
"It's from the hospital," he said, "Several medical institutions want to hire me. Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Monterey Bay."
He looked up at me, with a questioning look in his eyes. "Where would you like to go?"
I looked at the distant horizon, where the sunlight was slowly rising, dispelling the darkness. This city had given me too many dark memories. What I needed wasn't another big city, but a quiet place, far away from everything.
"Monterey Bay." I said, "I want a quiet place, away from all this."
Julian squeezed my hand. "Are you sure? It's small and remote there."
I nodded. Yes, I was sure. Small and remote was exactly what I needed now.
