Chapter 5
737words
My mind was numb, his words "not worth mentioning" echoing endlessly in my ears.
I dragged myself to my quarters and slammed the door shut.
Without emotion, I tossed the shattered lantern—and all my ridiculous fantasies—into the brazier.
The flames roared to life, devouring the paper and hungrily licking at the bamboo frame.
I watched those two painted figures—once riding side by side—twist and blacken in the flames until nothing remained but ash.
I didn't cry.
Not one damn tear.
I just felt hollow—like someone had carved out my chest and left nothing but a whistling void.
I sat there staring at those ashes all night long.
Then it hit me like lightning.
Robert Lawrence… his surname… his fixation on Jessica… his manipulation… all these pieces suddenly connected in my mind.
I remembered that the second male lead in the novel had the same surname in the early chapters. When the female protagonist rescued him, he was just a nameless beggar boy. He later adopted her family name until he rose to prominence and was discovered to resemble the late marquis—revealing his true identity.
So much for "the capital's top scholar." So much for being some random stranger I happened to meet.
Robert Lawrence.
He's the obsessive second male lead from the novel I'd transmigrated into. The pathetic man who confused gratitude with love after Jessica saved him as a child—who spent his entire life chasing her without success.
And I, Amanda Lawrence, wasn't even in the original story—just a convenient stepping stone he could use to get closer to the heroine.
How fucking ridiculous.
I'd mistaken his calculated manipulation for genuine affection earned through my persistence.
At dawn, I marched to my parents' quarters.
They looked shocked when they saw me.
"Amanda! What's happened to you? Have you been up all night?" Mother grabbed my hand, her face creased with worry.
I forced my lips into something resembling a smile.
"Father, Mother, I want to leave the capital and travel the world."
"What?" Father's brow furrowed instantly. "Absolutely not! You're a young lady—the world out there is dangerous!"
"Father, I survived ten years in the mountains. I can handle myself," I said firmly. "The world is enormous, and I need to see it. I can't spend my entire life trapped in these city walls."
I used every argument I could think of—pleading and reasoning—never once mentioning Robert Lawrence.
Eventually, my parents caved to my relentless determination.
On the day I left, the entire household gathered to see me off.
Just as I was about to mount my horse, a familiar figure appeared at the corner.
Robert Lawrence.
He must have heard the news and rushed over.
He approached, eyeing my crimson traveling clothes with a slight frown.
"Miss Lawrence, why this sudden departure?"
I swung into the saddle and looked down at him.
I ignored his question and instead mimicked his own manner—polite yet distant—as I offered a formal bow.
"Mr. Lawrence, I appreciate your concern. Please look after my father and mother in my absence."
I deliberately emphasized "father and mother."
He looked stunned, clearly not expecting this response.
"Amanda, you…"
He started to speak, but I had no interest in listening.
I tightened the reins and flashed a brilliant smile at my family.
"Father, Mother, Jessica—I'm off!"
With that, I dug my heels into my horse's flanks and galloped toward the city gates without a backward glance.
The wind whipped through my hair, carrying away the weight of his stare from behind.
I could feel his eyes boring into my back the entire time.
He was probably sighing with relief.
After all, he'd already used me to infiltrate the General's household. Now his troublesome "pawn" was voluntarily removing herself from the board, making his path to my sister that much clearer.
How fucking convenient.
The hero and heroine were destined for each other anyway. I'd seen Jessica's admiration for her fiancé—the actual male lead—and the way she blushed whenever she mentioned him. She clearly loved him, and since this was supposed to be a sweet romance, I knew she'd be happy.
This way, Robert Lawrence would eventually taste the bitterness of unrequited love—perfect karma for using me to get close to Jessica.
With mountains and rivers between us, Robert Lawrence, goodbye.
No—farewell forever.
May you chase forever and never catch what you desire.
