Chapter 69
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something inside Aneesa was incredibly moved. His hands skated over her shoulders and moved down to cup her breasts which had grown bigger, and she sucked in a breath.
He stopped and asked, ‘Are they sore?'
Aneesa tried to smile but felt too hot and desperate. ‘They're a little oversensitive, but it's OK….'
With a touch so gentle it nearly made her cry, Sebastian cupped and felt the generous curves and then he bent his head and licked around one pebbled aureole before gently tugging the hard nipple into his mouth. The sensation was exquisite and on the knife edge of both pleasure and pain. Aneesa's head fell back, her hands holding Sebastian's head as he ministered lavishly to one breast and then the other.
And at that moment while the fire was raging inside her, she had a sudden memory of watching him leave the other night for his date, as well as all those pictures she had seen on the Internet of him with beautiful blonde women.
She pulled at his hair and yanked his head up. ‘I won't sleep with you when you've been in another woman's bed so recently.'
Sebastian stood tall. His eyes glittered; his face was flushed, and he frowned. ‘What are you talking about?'
Aneesa dropped her hands from his head and with every bone in her body protesting she bent down and picked up her T-shirt, slipping it on, back to front and inside out. She felt suddenly cold and wrapped her arms around herself.
‘You were in another woman's bed the other night …' And then she blurted out because she couldn't stop herself, ‘And I know you've got a reputation. So I won't sleep with you just because you're bored or to tide you over between lovers. Because clearly that's what happened in Mumbai that night.'
She looked down and then turned around when all she could see was Sebastian's gloriously naked and aroused body. She heard him drag his trousers on.
‘Aneesa …'
She wouldn't turn around and she heard him sigh. She felt a hand on her shoulder turning her gently and then a finger under her chin tipping her face up. She averted her gaze stubbornly. He said,
‘Boredom played no part in what happened that night, nor did it have anything to do with filling a convenient gap between lovers, nor does it now. Do you remember what I said to you? That I didn't normally do that?'
Aneesa half shrugged, still valiantly avoiding Sebastian's eye.
‘It was the truth. I hadn't slept with anyone for weeks before that night. And then you came along and I've never felt desire so intense before.'
She still said nothing, wouldn't look at him. He sighed
again.
‘I didn't sleep with that woman the other night, and to
be honest, even if you hadn't turned up on that day, I know I wouldn't have been able to sleep with her.' His mouth twisted. ‘The only reason I arranged the date in the first place was because I couldn't get the memory of you out of my head. And then the only reason I kept the date was because it was a pathetic attempt on my part to deny how seeing you again made me feel.'
Aneesa's eyes darted to Sebastian now and she couldn't look away again. He held her chin firm.
‘I haven't slept with anyone since that night in Mumbai.
And the thought of sleeping with any other woman apart from you quite frankly turns my stomach.'
Aneesa blurted out, ‘Why didn't you want to see me again?' She stopped and faltered, hating the insecurity that prompted the question. ‘I mean, it seems as if you have no problem taking lovers, so why didn't you want to contact me?'
Every self-protecting instinct within Sebastian locked into place and he gave her the only answer he could right now, knowing it was only the half of it.
‘Because I knew you were different. You deserved more than I could offer. But now you're here … and I've wanted you
every day since that night. I'm not strong enough to resist you
… this.'
Aneesa looked into Sebastian's eyes and treacherously all of her fight drained away. She trusted that what he said was true, and while she suspected there was more to it, for now it was enough. Even though she had the leaden feeling that he was still warning her not to expect anything beyond transitory pleasures, baby or no baby. She needed him too badly. She'd hungered for him, and ached for him, and suspected that he'd just offered her more assurance than he'd probably given any woman. And she carried his baby, his seed.
She knew he was waiting for her move, so she reached down and pulled her T-shirt up and off again, dropping it to the floor. And stepping right up to him, she wound her arms around his neck and kissed him with all the pent-up fervour she'd been pushing down for weeks.
Within minutes they were naked and on the bed, limbs entangled, hot and sweaty, an urgency driving them both to seek that heady blissful union again. And it was only when Sebastian thrust deep inside Aneesa and her body welcomed him back with a glorious spontaneous wave of pleasure that she realised how deeply in danger she was of falling for this man.
If Aneesa had assumed that sleeping with Sebastian
would mark a progression in their relationship, then she'd been very naïve. While for her it had precipitated the most cataclysmic realisation of her life—she was falling for him—for Sebastian it seemed to be fulfilling the sole purpose of sating a physical need.
For nearly two weeks now they'd been sleeping together every night, invariably in her bed. And without fail, Sebastian would get up and go back to his room. The one night when they'd ended up in his bed, he'd carried Aneesa, exhausted and sated, back to her own. When she'd protested he'd just bent down and pressed a searing kiss to her mouth and said, ‘I'll only keep you awake …'
And if anything, Sebastian had become even cooler,
more distant. It was as if their physical relationship was having a directly negative effect on any kind of emotional closeness.
And yet, Aneesa knew instinctively that if she attempted to stop the physical side of things, Sebastian would retreat even more.
He was the father of her child and she knew it was dangerously idealistic but she couldn't help but dream of a future for them. And if she was ever going to reach him, and discover the secrets he kept hidden, then she would just have to bide her time. But right now, she bit back a feeling of futility as she headed to a doctor's appointment on her own.
When it came to anything to do with the baby, Sebastian clammed up even more. He never asked her how she was feeling and, apart from discussing arrangements, showed no interest in his child, or her pregnancy. Even though when they made love she could tell he was aware of her small but growing bump.
He'd shown no interest in joining her at the doctor's today where she was due to have her first scan. When she came out of the appointment, the spring sunshine was strong. Relief was her predominant emotion—she was healthy and everything looked fine and normal with the baby.
She held the small printout of a picture of her baby in her bag, but she had no one to share the news with. People hurried past her on the street and a wave of loneliness and homesickness washed over her. She had a sudden feeling of empathy for all the Indian women who travelled to England each year to make a new life, quite usually with a new husband they might have not have even met before.
A moment of inspiration struck her and she called the apartment from a payphone to let Daniel know what she was doing, in case he worried when she didn't arrive home. And then feeling chirpier than she had in days, she joined the throng of humanity and disappeared into a nearby underground station, armed with a tube map and instructions from Daniel.
Sebastian stood at the window of his office, hands deep in his pockets. His insides roiled and he felt in turmoil. And
whenever he felt like this, he retreated inwards. Which is what he'd been doing ever since he'd started sleeping with Aneesa again.
It had always worked for him in the past; at times of stress or crisis, he'd retreat inwards and be at his most productive outwardly. Or he'd go off and do a triathlon and lose himself in the most gruelling physical thing he could think of.
As a child it had manifested itself in taking out the horses his father had owned and riding until both he and the animal were shaking and sweating with fatigue, but exhilarated by the adrenalin rush. His mind would be numb from all pain, and the sense of isolation that had dogged him since his mother's exit from his life, and the fact that she'd shown an almost fatal preference for his younger brother Nathaniel, would leave him momentarily.
But now … the retreating inwards wasn't working the way it usually did. For a start, everything felt suspiciously close to the surface, as if there was a delicate shell around him that might crack at any moment. And even more worryingly, he didn't crave the opium of physical release the way he always had. Work held little interest for him. And the most disconcerting thing of all—he'd begun sleeping for long stretches, and waking at dawn, instead of arriving home at dawn, exhausted from a six-mile jog.
He consciously resisted the inevitable intimacy provoked by sex by retreating from Aneesa, maintaining a distance. And then guilt struck him hard. She'd gone to a doctor's appointment today—the first. He'd known about it, of course, and when she'd tentatively asked if he'd like to come, he'd issued a curt, ‘No,' citing work. The thought of seeing that jumble of growing cells become a baby on a grainy black-and- white screen had made his innards seize with fear.
He grimaced now. The very work he'd cited hadn't held his attention because Aneesa was out there somewhere, and learning about her baby, their baby, without him. Galvanised into sudden action, Sebastian called the apartment and frowned when Daniel told him she wasn't home. He consulted
his watch, a tendril of concern going through him. ‘But the appointment should have been over an hour ago, plenty of time for her to get home.'
